Sunday, October 22, 2006
why i cried...i was doing a good job at fighting back the tears until Nette looked at me and said "naiiyak na siya" and boom! tears dropped one after the other. Shit, with the members scattered in every corner it really wasn't the time and place for that. and without the people i draw strength from i really couldn't stop those stupid tears.
"you have to do 2 training climbs, one 15km untimed and IC so that YOU CAN PROVE TO US that you really want to join AMCI". With no intent of disrespect to anyone but what kind of bullshit is that??? I was prepared for a third 15k, I was prepared for these conditions that they ask, I was even prepared for the worst that is the denial of membership but heck that was something I never even anticipated: To be questioned of my desire to join AMCI???? I was there all throughout. I gave it everything that I could possibly give. I followed the rules even if I didn't agree with it. I abandoned my comfort zone. I treated everyone with respect, even the ones who didn't really grasp the idea of the word. I did EVERYTHING that was asked of me. I didn't do any shortcuts, I didn't even try to bend the rules. I GAVE IT MY BEST. Yes, I can look you all in the eye and say that I DID BEST. And for what? to be questioned of my dedication?
I could have been deemed unworthy and that would have been ok to me. I would have smiled and said thank you anyways if they told me that I just wasn't good enough or fit enough to be a part of their organization. My worth as a mountaineer was for them to decide but my desire and commitment wasn't.
Implying that I just didn't want it enough? Tell that to the doctor who said that she cannot grant me a medical certificate for some health reasons. tell that to my family who I haven't spent Sundays with since June. Tell that to my sister who had to wait for hours to get picked up from work because we have a meeting. Tell that to the people whose birthdays I missed because I was expected to attend the BMC. Tell that to my best friend who I didn't get to say goodbye to when she left for the US because I still have my training. Tell that to my mom who I get into a fight with every single Wednesday because we were home late yet again.
And what about Nette and my sister? Didn't they want it enough too? Haven't they proven themselves still? Despite their injuries, they ran. despite the obvious pain, they ran. despite the odds of making it they were there TWICE. Dismiss my efforts if you must but not theirs. Dismiss my desire all you want but not their's. Their determination is undeniable, their enthusiasm evident.
With all due respect to my batchmates and all those who fought for my case, i'm sorry but I am done proving myself. i HAVE proven myself. I am not being an arrogant bitch or a spoiled brat but that's it for me. I rest my case. i am done appealing. And I would never beg because in doing so I would have thrown out the window everything that I have gained from this experience.
AMCI has become a part of my life but AMCI would never consume my life. it would have been great to be a part of AMCI but life would most definitely still go on perfectly without it.
Cheesily i sing " i did my best but i guess my best wasn't good enough....."
5:44 AM
3 comments
letter of appeal
Mr. Arnel Gabilan
Chairman of the Board
AMCI Mountaineering Club Inc.
Dear Mr. Gabilan
I am writing to make an appeal with regards to my pending status as an inductee. As you know by know, I have failed in my two attempts to complete the 15km run within the allotted time of two hours. This is the only requirement that hinders me to formally join the organization.
I was never a strong runner to begin with. And even though I was amongst the slowest runner, I did my best to complete the required distance per training session. I did what was expected of me. Despite my fear of heights, I faced the challenges of this training with enthusiasm (though it was not immediately apparent with the tears I shed). I climbed when they said climb. And I jumped when they said jump. I did 15 km when they said 15km, twice.
The training was never a walk in the park for me. truth be told, it shoved me the greatest challenges I had to face. I never knew that I could rappel five floors down but I did, I never even thought I could climb a hill but here I am with three summits in my list. But more than anything this training, this organization, allowed me to experience a world that is so unlike the one I was used to. It was never a test of strength but a test of spirits. I am still here now, still with the same eagerness and enthusiasm, still willing to face the challenges that this sport can offer.
If you were to ask me now why I should be allowed a membership in this organization, it's the simple reason that AMCI has become a part of my life.
And hopefully, I too can be a part of AMCI.
Sincerely yours,
Sheena Belle Fenix
B2k6-23
5:43 AM
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letter of intent
THE BMC COMMITTEE
AMCI Mountaineering Club Inc.
Dear AMCI people:
I wish to express my genuine intention to apply for membership in your organization despite my two failed attempts in completing the 15km run in the allotted 2hours.
I came in this training clueless but with eagerness much like that of a kid. I did not know what to expect and was perceived by many as most likely to quit. And although my emotions got the best of me a number of times in the duration of the training, I did what was expected of me. I have never been the athletic type and was concerned in the beginning about all the running required. But being an altophobic, I soon realized running was the least of my worries (the training made sure of that). Still I was there all through out the wall-climbing and rappelling. Surprisingly, I did find myself enjoying the experiences the mountains have to offer. The three training climbs never came easy for me, but I took all the challenges with a brave heart. I would have joined the fourth climb if only circumstances permitted. Most importantly, I fell in love with the people. The sense of camaraderie that the organization has inspired is truly remarkable. I have only been a semi-part of this organization in less than 5 months but already I trust them with my life. Admittedly, there were instances of misunderstandings but let's face it what organization is complete without a little bit of intrigue.
This sport used to be a whole other world to me but now it has become a part of my world. There's still a lot I can discover, so much more experiences waiting for me and I would love to take those journey with the prestigious AMCI people.
And if you were to ask me, what someone like me can offer to the organization... isn't it apparent in my letter? It's all the drama. And if that's not really enough, I can provide the "campfire entertainment" as well, just no singing and dancing.
sincerely yours,
Sheena Belle Fenix
b2k6 - 023
5:40 AM
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Sunday, October 08, 2006
i gave myself a half a pat in the back
wednesday night, pops came up to me and asked for my time during the run... i happily replied 34 minutes. "hahatakin ka na lang namin" he said. unlike my fellow trainees, i was completely at ease with the upcoming 15k. i was more nervous with my make up for the stove operation than the run, i was aiming for the certificate. at that point i was 75-25 decided on not joining AMCI and gave myself till Friday to think it through. waiting patiently for some sort of epiphany. and it came..but 2 days a little too late.
mountaineering was never meant as a long term sport for me, it just came at the right time. i was seeking for something different, an adventure and it landed straight at my door. i wanted something to spice up my life..what better way to do that than to step away from my own element. my friends were shocked when they found out, but i was even more surprised when i found myself enjoying the whole thing...climbing walls, dangling in ropes and plants, sleeping in tents. it was all new to me. and of course, meeting different people is always a welcome experience. but not so soon after, the excitement slowly fade away... it became a routine. and the more i thought about it, the more i realized "maybe it just ain't for me". all these running and strenous activity is just not a part of who i am. i did despise these things once upon a time. not that i still do, but i don't think i'll ever "love" it.
but i am proud of myself, though a whole lot of people may disagree. i ran, or walk whichever you want it, that 15k not for anyone but myself. i finished what i started, i went through everything that i had to go through. that fading yellow line represented so much more than the finish line, it was the wonderful end to this beautiful adventure. i could have stopped at any time during the training, many have predicted that i would but i didn't. i jumped when they said jump, i climbed when they said climb and even if i dint run when they said run, i did 6 rounds when they said 6 rounds.
with tears and a smile i say to you AMCI people, thank you for the great adventure. and to the soon to be members, congrats and my humblest appreciation to all of you.
9:09 PM
4 comments
Monday, October 02, 2006
memory loss
She woke up confuse and nauseated, something was not right. With no recollection of how she got inside her tent or how she changed into the shirt she's wearing, she slowly got up. No, that was not such a good idea because as soon as she did her head started spinning. "what the hell happened???" she thought as she tried to cough out the mouthful of sand stuck in her throat. "where am i???" gradually, she started to recall the previous day.
There was a bus with batch 2k6 aboard, all frantically reviewing for the final exam. With the AMCI hymn barely heard in the background, everyone tried to absorb any bit of information that they could. You could hear the words "panu nga ulit yung tautline" and "sino nga ulit un sa committee" being repeated over and over again. But knowing she already suck up all that she could from her notes, she opted for a goodnight's sleep instead. Barely an hour into the ride, the trainees have settled down and only a few were up to watch the movie being played.
They reached Laiya a few minutes after sunrise. Once they were done gulping down their breakfast, they were at it again. Manuals, ropes and cravat were out. Questions were flying about once more. And even after Alman repeatedly announced that the exam was about to start and all notes should be kept, people were still trying to sneak a glances on their manuals.
Armed with their compasses and maps, and some with umbrellas, each group made their way to the designated stations. Group D, her group, was ready to go wherever their bearing may take them. But three hours since they started pursuit there was still no sign of the first station. Three times they passed that bridge before they got a text saying "I see you". Genie, her GL, finally concluded that Bajay was lurking behind the trees, ducking just in time so we won't see them. Suddenly they heard Pops exclaim, "nandidto sila". This time Bajay wasn't able to duck in time… after making slight booboos on following the trail signs and answering some questions, they were given their next coordinates. Off to the next station they went. She was dreading and hoping to see her crush there but thankfully he was station hopping as well. After three bandages, one carry and one very entertaining BEAM song from TeeJay, they plotted their next target. It was roughly 2-3km walk. The group joked about riding the jeep since they were only warned not to ride the tricycle but walk they did till finally they heard the word "relaaaaax". The application of the knots came after the written exam, where she kept messing up the tautline, which she had perfectly executed just hours ago on the bus. Worried as they were that they were not going to complete all 6 stations, they marched on to the registration booth of Mt. Daguldol. There she saw the station she knew she was most likely to flunk, the stove operation. Though her brand new lighter, which she had purposely brought for that specific function failed her, she did her best. on the plus side, someone was there to console her… a very affectionate dog that is. With only two stations left, they more or less knew where they were headed. As they made their way to a very very long trek, their four-legged friend decided to join them and refused to retreat and even whimpered when he sensed that they wanted to leave him behind. Barely halfway to the next station, Carla stopped her car and instructed them to go back to camp.
To be continued...
There was a bus with batch 2k6 aboard, all frantically reviewing for the final exam. With the AMCI hymn barely heard in the background, everyone tried to absorb any bit of information that they could. You could hear the words "panu nga ulit yung tautline" and "sino nga ulit un sa committee" being repeated over and over again. But knowing she already suck up all that she could from her notes, she opted for a goodnight's sleep instead. Barely an hour into the ride, the trainees have settled down and only a few were up to watch the movie being played.
They reached Laiya a few minutes after sunrise. Once they were done gulping down their breakfast, they were at it again. Manuals, ropes and cravat were out. Questions were flying about once more. And even after Alman repeatedly announced that the exam was about to start and all notes should be kept, people were still trying to sneak a glances on their manuals.
Armed with their compasses and maps, and some with umbrellas, each group made their way to the designated stations. Group D, her group, was ready to go wherever their bearing may take them. But three hours since they started pursuit there was still no sign of the first station. Three times they passed that bridge before they got a text saying "I see you". Genie, her GL, finally concluded that Bajay was lurking behind the trees, ducking just in time so we won't see them. Suddenly they heard Pops exclaim, "nandidto sila". This time Bajay wasn't able to duck in time… after making slight booboos on following the trail signs and answering some questions, they were given their next coordinates. Off to the next station they went. She was dreading and hoping to see her crush there but thankfully he was station hopping as well. After three bandages, one carry and one very entertaining BEAM song from TeeJay, they plotted their next target. It was roughly 2-3km walk. The group joked about riding the jeep since they were only warned not to ride the tricycle but walk they did till finally they heard the word "relaaaaax". The application of the knots came after the written exam, where she kept messing up the tautline, which she had perfectly executed just hours ago on the bus. Worried as they were that they were not going to complete all 6 stations, they marched on to the registration booth of Mt. Daguldol. There she saw the station she knew she was most likely to flunk, the stove operation. Though her brand new lighter, which she had purposely brought for that specific function failed her, she did her best. on the plus side, someone was there to console her… a very affectionate dog that is. With only two stations left, they more or less knew where they were headed. As they made their way to a very very long trek, their four-legged friend decided to join them and refused to retreat and even whimpered when he sensed that they wanted to leave him behind. Barely halfway to the next station, Carla stopped her car and instructed them to go back to camp.
To be continued...
9:00 PM
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