Saturday, July 29, 2006

the wall

they say "a picture can paint a thousand words"... only but a few were painted on my mind. "you are sending yourself to an early grave". "what the heck are you getting yourself into." "OH.MY.GOD." and "hmm..alman always has kick-ass pictures."

a few more hours and i'll be the one dangling on those ropes... as much as i'd rather stay home and sleep the day away, i was already warned by some AMCI members to better show up. some even referred to it as the "best training day". reeeaaally now...


last sunday alone was a HUGE challenge for me. thoughts much similar to those stated above were swirling on my head... it was only one floor high but to me it looked like a hundred story building, it was my Everest. i fought so hard not to let my fear get in the way, but honestly after hearing terror stories from the lecturer who could blame me? after an overwhelming coaxing from fellow trainees and members, i forced myself to go up there and be done with it. lemme just say everything went blank when i was up there. i could hear them but their words were like those of a buzzing bee. i was ON MY OWN. it was just me, the rope and the wall. i wanted to cry again, but i couldn't..literally. every step was an achievement and an obstacle. each step was bringing me closer to the top, but each step was also leading me higher and higher. the words "Don't look down" are not applicable, how the hell am i suppose to know where to land my foot next. but i did it. i reached the top... yet again, that was not the end of it. i had to come down too right? and this was not a simpler taskin any way. this was an actual execution of my fear, this is where my fear lies...the falling down. i hang on to the rope with every might. i could never describe the feeling i got when my feet finally landed on the cushion. i wanted to jump. i wanted to laugh. i wanted to hug anyone (preferably "you-know-who). i wanted to cry. but then again, maybe my huge smile said it all.

though i am proud of the fact that i was able to climb that wall..TWICE. i'd much sooner forget that i also bawled like a baby in front of all those people, not to mention a "crushie" (i sound like a high school giddy girl don't i?).

but i guess i got no one but myself to blame. i was the one who signed up for this, might as well go ahead with it. as i've said before, one damn training day at a time. wish me luck!